I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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