Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
