Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
