Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
