I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
