holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
