You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
