So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
