I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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