She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
