Are we in a gay sports bar?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he thought i was a dude.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
this will be a night to untag.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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