I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize