i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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