Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
