You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
