first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
