Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
