Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
