You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
