so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
