Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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