yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
