I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
