I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
