yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
