So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
