just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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