She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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