im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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