The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
that's an acceptable place to lick
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
