last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
