Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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