we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
