Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
