there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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