At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
