There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
