I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
