Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
