CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
