So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
