Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
