I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
