Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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