did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you had me at cake vodka
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
