Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
