laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
