I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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