Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
