just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
