so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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