Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
