Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
