well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
