Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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