just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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