No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
