just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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