Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
