Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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