It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
