she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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