Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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