You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
