Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
