I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im holly from the hills drunk
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
