erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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