My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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